witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

posted 21 hours ago with 200867 notes (orig)
posted 21 hours ago with 123807 notes (orig)

ceesquatch:

when an animal doesn’t like me it really impacts my self esteem 

posted 21 hours ago with 577201 notes (orig)

spn-fandom-breathing-heavily:

archivesofgallifrey:

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

willgrahamps:

wait if eve ate the apple then why the fuck is it called an adam’s apple

image

because she ate the apple, and then convinced adam to eat the apple as well so that she wouldn’t be alone, but the piece he bit off got stuck in his throat.

It got stuck because at the exact moment he was swallowing, God jumped out from behind a bush like 

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!”

posted 21 hours ago with 326113 notes (orig)
posted 21 hours ago with 457591 notes (orig)

llamasouls:

llamasouls:

llamasouls:

haha my friends having his penis deducted at a catholic hospital and like before the surgery all the nurses prayed over his dick for a “fast recovery” haha

update
apparently one of them was holding his dick and the doctor was all like “let us pray” and the person just continued to hold it

image

posted 21 hours ago with 4837 notes (orig)
posted 21 hours ago with 136692 notes (orig)

spoof:

there should be a dating website called ebae

posted 21 hours ago with 52862 notes (orig)

gingahninjah:

sliced bread is the greatest thing since betty white

posted 21 hours ago with 155891 notes (orig)

incompetentantagonist:

*shots fucking fired*

posted 21 hours ago with 81874 notes (orig)

yosssarian:

if pooh bear can wear a crop top so can i

posted 21 hours ago with 71026 notes (orig)

[new text message/ 3:16 am]
I just drove 16 hours. I need to see you.

[new text message/ 2:09 am]
I’m drunk and I know I told you I didn’t want this anymore. But I want it. I want you. I’m sorry.

[new text message/ 12:13 pm]
Maybe if I could kiss you one more time everything would be alright.

[new text message/ 8:07 am]
Fuck. I shouldn’t have let you go.

[new text message/ 4:02 am]
Are you up? I miss you.

[new text message/ 4:05 am]
A lot.

[new text message/ 5:16 pm]
I saw something that reminded me of you and my throat caught fire.

[new text message/ 12:22 am]
I wish you were here.

[new text message/ 3:17 am]
I need you. Please call me back.

9 texts I wish you’d send me even though I know I’ll probably never hear from you again (via extrasad)
posted 21 hours ago with 8476 notes (orig)

WHAT A GIRL WANTS

wrestling tickets

WHAT A GIRL NEEDS

money for wrestling tickets

posted 21 hours ago with 153972 notes (orig)
posted 21 hours ago with 185864 notes (orig)
Rule #1: Never be #2.
posted 21 hours ago with 83280 notes (orig)
theme